This is 46? This can’t be right.

I haven’t been myself lately. Something is not quite right. 


Perimenopause can suck it. 

I had a birthday a few weeks ago. It was lovely. A day of celebration for Mother’s Day as well. A double celebration. Family, food and love. 
But underneath the smiles and hugs, I was struggling to stay afloat. It was an irrational sadness. Like someone was stepping on my happy self. 
None of the happy things I like to do was helping. I wasn’t even interested in them. 
I had no patience for anything. Downright grouchy. Susceptible to bursting in to tears or growling at someone at any moment.
I really wanted to just curl up under a blanket and read or watch movies. I wanted a cocoon, where I could hide from life for a few weeks. 
Of course, being who I am, that’s not exactly a wise plan of action. Or inaction. I have things to do. I don’t have time for a long term funk! 
Nevertheless, the funk was hanging on tight. I just couldn’t shake the cloud I was under. And then to kick things up a notch, my anxiety decided to climb aboard. It was a party for my emotional dysfunctions. 
I was holding on to gratitude like a life-raft. Just focus on the good things and keep going, Lex. 
I thought maybe I need to go to counseling. I was getting annoyed with myself. 
And then. 
Finally I emerged from the drowning despair. 
I realized the culprit in this puzzle. 


My god, how long is this going to last? As if the hot flashes aren’t bad enough?
As if living through years of monthly cramps, headaches, dealing with periods, pregnancy, and postpartum aren’t bad enough for us women? This is quite the bitter cherry on top. 
Well, at least I know I’m not going crazy. 
But oh wait, it’s starting all over again. Here come the hormones. 
And the grouch. 
Hormonal Lex

Back Away Slowly

Please tell me I’m not crazy. This is a real thing right? What can I do besides just smile through it and hope for the best? 

Giveaway: Knott’s Berry Farm for the Cure Tickets

Knott’s Berry Farm for the Cure raises money for breast cancer research in partnership with Susan G. Komen Orange County, January 4 – March 18.

You know how much my family loves Knott’s Berry Farm. I mean fun, California history, food, and more fun! Plus, Snoopy! Who doesn’t love Snoopy?!

Snoopy at Knott's Berry Farm

Ema can’t wait to go back and see her buddy!


Knott’s Berry Farm is once again partnering with Susan G. Komen Orange County to raise money for breast cancer research and awareness in Orange County. A portion of the proceeds from merchandise and specially discounted “pink” tickets will benefit Susan G. Komen Orange County! 
Susan G Komen research
Now through March 18, guests will have the opportunity to enjoy Knott’s Berry Farm with “pink” decor and a specially priced “Pink Ticket” ($40 admissions purchased online) to support a great cause. There are also commemorative Knott’s for the Cure t-shirts available for purchase.  The “Pink” Knott’s Berry Farm for the Cure commemorative t-shirt is available at select locations in the park with a portion of the proceeds benefiting Susan G. Komen Orange County.
Knott's For The Cure_Snoopy Lucy Sally Charlie
The opinions in this article are my own. I do not work for, or with, any brand mentioned in this article, nor do I have any official relationship with them. I have a relationship with GigaSavvy for whom I create original editorial content. 
Enter to win four tickets to Knott's Berry Farm

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Spread the word and share on Instagram and Twitter using #KnottsPink

I have had too many friends who have fought breast cancer. I’m glad to see that Knott’s is supporting funds for research and local support. 


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Happy Fifth Birthday Sara & Ema

My amazing twins! Five years old! Happy Birthday to Ema & Sara!

Sara & Ema Fifth Birthday

Ema – 

  1. Born first but likes to be the “little” one.
  2. Loves to make up songs
  3. Will often be found with a book, making up stories, and elaborately pretending
  4. First to help in the kitchen cooking and baking
  5. Quickest to get ready to go somewhere – like Target or a restaurant

Sara – 

  1. Loves to recite lines from her favorite movies with her sister (right now it’s the Charlie Brown Christmas)
  2. Will often be seen wearing a hat. Any hat. 
  3. Plays soccer like a champ.
  4. Will change her clothes several times a day.
  5. Prefers to be home with her family.

I always thought having twins would be scary and overwhelming, but it is pretty amazing and we are so blessed. Time flies!



If I had an abortion

If I had an abortion, you wouldn’t know by looking at me.

 If I had an Abortion

There’s no telltale sign. Abortion is a secret that women carry.


It probably would have been when I was much younger. Early college maybe. When I was unsure of myself and barely even knew who I was.


I might have gone to Planned Parenthood. Or some other clinic. Surely not my health insurance where my parents might find out.


It would have been better to visit those clinics before having to make a choice about abortion so I could get some birth control and sex education. Because at my catholic high school, we were told birth control was bad. And so was sex. But somehow it seemed like the birth control was even worse. I remember getting many conflicting messages. Would a decision to have an abortion been out of the question? I don’t know.

 Positive Test

Maybe I wouldn’t have known what else to do. Disappoint my family? Force my boyfriend to step up to a lifetime commitment that he wasn’t ready for either? We broke up a few times throughout our relationship and we didn’t make it for the long haul.


Maybe I wouldn’t like myself very much for having one. Or maybe I liked myself enough that I chose what was best for me at the time.  


I’m sure I would have been very ashamed. Because, that Catholic guilt is strong. I might have gone to confession. I may have gone to counseling. I may have made peace with it.


I wouldn’t have been forced to go through illegal channels for it. Or try questionable methods on my own. Because I was a young adult during a time when abortion was legal and available.


I’m a mom to four girls. What if they found themselves in such a position? I would hope that they would come to me. Of course.

Stand With Planned Parenthood

But maybe they wouldn’t. They should at the very least have a place to go for assistance. I’m talking about reproductive health resources. Not just access to abortion. Because places like Planned Parenthood provide comprehensive services. Without shame.


What if I had an abortion after a date rape? I wouldn’t be surprised if someone I know has had to face that choice. When I was a young adult, the morning after pill wasn’t even an option.


What if I had an abortion when I was older? Maybe a medical decision made with my husband and doctor, after careful consideration and reflection. What if it were a choice of saving my own life? Of course it would be heart wrenching. But shouldn’t a woman in this position be able to make the choice to live?


I was blessed to experience my pregnancies without being faced with such a difficult decision because of a life threatening issue. But I know people who did. Several women, as a matter of fact.


Maybe my younger self chose against having an abortion. Maybe I would have another child right now in my family. Or maybe I would be like many birth mothers who gave her baby to a loving family to raise as their own. Either decision would have been just as difficult.


But here’s the thing.


Women’s right to choose should not be infringed upon by politicians. Women face this complicated decision for all sorts of reasons. Medical or personal, it’s still a decision a woman makes for her own body, health, and well-being. And now politicians are trying to create new obstacles and take away access.

Bill Nye uses science to debunk anti-abortion arguments

If I had chosen an abortion, it would be my business. And also, my right. Abortion is legal. And it isn’t anyone’s business to infringe on that choice.