Oh hi. Here I am.
My blog was *poof* gone. But I’m back now. A little bit of administrative oopsies.
So it’s been a while. I have a post in the wings that will go up very soon. But for now I thought I’d play a little catch up.
I’m still working on that “lifestyle change.” But on the bright side, I’m managing my anxiety a lot better.
I stopped going to individual counseling because I really wasn’t getting a whole lot out of it and I was anxious about missing work to go to the appointments. So, that was kind of missing the point. I may start the group therapy class.
I haven’t decided yet.
What will really help is if I actually commit to move my ass and relieve anxiety with physical activity. I can do that. I really need to do that.
It won’t hurt the physical health or the waistline either.
Lucky (or not so lucky depending on how you look at it) for us Southern California people, the weather has been mild or even hot during this “winter.” So I really have no excuse for being a couch potato. I just hope we don’t end up fighting each other for water and food because of this awful drought.
This past weekend my first baby turned 12 years old. It’s been a rough year. Especially since starting 6th grade. A lot of changes and turmoil physically and mentally. But amazingly, we are closer than ever. I love that she talks to me about everything. She’s a great kid.
My in-laws were in town over the weekend. And we had a nice celebration. I love when they visit because the babies get so happy to see their Tata and Abuelita and uncles. And Marco gets a boost of happy from being with his family. They’re pretty awesome. I got really lucky in the in-law draw.
In a couple of weeks, we’ll complete Isa’s birthday celebration with a trip to Disneyland. We are all looking forward to that. Gabi gets a little jealous when she’s not the center of attention, but I’m sure a trip to Disneyland, even if it is for her sister, will bring a smile to her face.
Last night, I had to update the twins’ audition photo. And I realized that we had no good picture of the two of them that could be used for this purpose. So we had to scramble to get one taken. Getting them to stand or sit side by side, both of them looking at the camera proved to be nearly impossible. After an hour of trying, we finally got a usable one. One out of at least 100 shots. Here’s my favorite outake. They were giggling like crazy in this one.
To my babies on their third birthday,
I didn’t think I’d be having any more kids after Isa and Gabi. And then your daddy came into my life. And I thought, ok, MAYBE one more. Maybe…
Little did I know then, that we would be doubly blessed.
Born less than a year after the death of your great grandmothers on both sides, you girls have their strong and spunky spirits in you, as well as their names
. You’ve made our family complete and have brought us such joy.
A day doesn’t go by where we aren’t amazed by the things you say and do. You bring happiness to all around you.
Happy birthday, Ema and Sara. You are so loved.
A table for six with two high chairs please.
“Mom, can I have a milkshake?”
Sure. Order the Jr. Shake. (I realize afterward it would have been wiser to order one regular shake and split it between the two of them.)
A couple of burgers and sandwiches are ordered. Twins are given goldfish to appease them until their meals arrive.
Ok, girls. We brought you here for a FAMILY MEETING.
Their heads snap to attention and their eyes get big.
We’ve never done this before. This must be serious.
We need to talk about the way you have been behaving toward us and each other. We are a family. A family that needs to show each other respect.
We can’t have you yelling at each other. Or talking back to us. The eye rolling, feet stomping, door slamming, hitting, biting, all of that… it stops NOW.
You are already grounded for two weeks. You’ve lost privileges. That is non negotiable. It’s done.
Here’s the thing.
WE. DON’T. LIKE. IT. EITHER!
We don’t like it when you are grounded. We don’t like to have to ground you. But we can’t have you acting like the rules don’t matter. You have responsibilities around the house. You have responsibilities with your school work. And you have responsibilities as our children and as sisters. You can’t go around treating everyone around you like garbage.
If things continue the way they are, we won’t be taking you to soccer and drama and girl scouts.
You might even have to change schools.
Their eyes get even bigger and their lips start to move in protest.
So let’s talk about how you’re going to change things so you can continue to do the fun things. So you don’t keep getting grounded. Let’s set the standards. What are you going to change?
I have no idea if it’s going to work. But I had the crazy idea of Family Meeting to take place at a neutral location of Denny’s. Where we could command attention. Where there would be no talking back, yelling, or stomping off to their bedrooms. I think we might continue having them down the line.
The last few days have been better. Not perfect, of course. But the standards are set.
Heaven help us raising these girls. We’re just doing the best we can.
Sometimes I get the feeling that I’m doing it wrong.
All my life, I knew I wanted to be a mother. And don’t misunderstand, I love it. But, you know how people always say that it gets better once you get past whatever stage they’re in? Teething, Not sleeping through the night, potty training, terrible twos, and on and on. The next stage is always hard too!
I ask my mom, What the hell? These kids!
And she laughs. Because she knows!
The talking back, yelling, slamming doors. Oh, and my favorite, “FINE!” stomping off in the other direction.
Not me, them. (Ok, maybe me. Once.)
I’m just trying to do what I think is best here and sometimes, I just don’t know. It’s all so frustrating! Why can’t they just do what they’re supposed to?
Because, they’re kids, Lex. I tell myself.
They’re trying to push limits. They don’t naturally just do what they’re supposed to, they do what they feel like doing.
They get distracted.
They make mistakes.
They get emotional.
They test their limits.
They’re little humans, not robots.
But man, I wish they had a reset button sometimes.
I think we all could use a reset button, actually. Mine would instantly place me in a warm bubbling jacuzzi tub with a glass of wine in my hand.
It’s a dance. A death defying balancing act between indulgence and discipline. Many times, I feel like we teeter too close to the edge. And back to school time is always a huge adjustment.
I’m their mom. I want to do things for them. I want to take care of them. It’s my job to nurture them.
At the same time, I AM their mom. It’s my job to raise them so that they learn to take care of themselves. And become responsible for themselves. And that means they need to have consequences for not doing their part.
Lately, it’s been especially tricky.
“I hate you!” “It’s not fair!” “I should just live somewhere else!” “Leave me alone!” “It’s MY life!” “But, MOM!” “It’s not my fault!” “I didn’t do it!”
The glares. The silent treatments. The crossed arms and stomping feet. The new one, the chest out aggressive motion as though she’s going to punch.
The lectures. The groundings. The extra chores. The taking of privileges.
Where’s the damn reset button?