I had my follow up appointments with my doctors today. Yes, plural.. doctors.
First I saw my primary care physician. I really love her by the way. We discussed a few things that I have going on. The kidney stones, for one, which haven’t been bothering me lately. My ER episode and the accompanying back/shoulder situation. Other stuff that are not immediately threatening, but should not be ignored. I’ll be going for follow up fasting bloodwork. And some physical therapy for my back and shoulder. And more follow up stuff.
When you have generalized anxiety disorder, like I do, you really ought to see a psychiatrist and probably a therapist too on a regular basis. And I decided almost 5 years ago that I was OKAY, and to just forget about all that stuff.
Well, finding myself in the ER with a panic attack has proven me wrong. I really liked the psychiatrist and I have a therapy appointment coming up soon. And I promised the intake manager that if I didn’t like the therapist that I would request a change rather than just quit like I did last time.
I expect to feel a lot of relief in a month or so after the happy pills kick in. The other thing the psychiatrist helped me understand that there is nothing WRONG with needing medication for anxiety. And it’s far better to take a little pill each day than to wind up in the ER thinking you’re going to die or finding yourself hospitalized for it. (although a very small part of me thinks a few days in the hospital away from stress sounds kind of inviting)
The worst part of my day was on the way from my primary doc appointment to my psychiatry appointment, when I had to stop for gas. As I pulled up to the pump, I made a call to work because there was a lot going on and I wasn’t physically there to take care of it myself. Well, I got distracted and I left my key on the seat when I got out to pump the gas. AND THE CAR LOCKED ITSELF!
I nicely begged the gas station guy to use the phone and called Marco who called for roadside assistance. TWO HOURS LATER, the guy finally showed up and said “sorry for the wait.” Time for us to change car insurance because that’s twice Progressive has left us hanging. And on a day when I’m supposed to be getting anxiety relief, and instead, I’m sitting next to my car seeing my phone on the seat mocking me. Not exactly relaxing my anxiety.
Thankfully, I was able to call and apologize for missing my first appointment and was able to get one an hour later.
So, now I have some meds and a plan. A plan to make myself better.
Because I need to be around for the long haul. I need to watch my babies grow up. And grow old with Marco next to me.
So, it’s time to put the oxygen mask on myself. And stop ignoring those little things.
And get healthy.
And do what has to be a ….
It started with shoulder pain. And then some tingling in my left hand sometime last week. Over the next few days it got worse, not better.
By Friday my right hand was feeling a little tingly too.
Maybe it’s carpal tunnel.
Maybe it’s worse. Googled Heart Attack Signs for Women…
Convinced myself I was dying.
Maybe it’s a tumor.
Marco talked me down from the ledge. By the time I got home from work, I was feeling better. Thought, I’ll go to urgent care tomorrow if my shoulder is still bothering me.
Took it easy on Saturday. The tingling still there. Didn’t have much strength in my left arm.
During the day, we were busy, so I never did make it to Urgent Care. Took a motrin. I probably should have gone, but we had plans for a date night, early dinner. Marco tried to massage the spot on my back/shoulder. I screamed. OUCH!
Ok it’s probably not a heart attack. My back/shoulder hurt like hell though. Carrying almost 40 pound twins will do that.
Got up super early this morning and took the twins to Knotts.
The tingling still in my arm, both hands. and now my legs too.
Surely I’m dying.
I envisioned paramedics having to take me away from the park.
Had some fun taking the twins around Camp Spooky.
Realizing my strength was not what it should be. Am I feeling short of breath? I am, I think. Why am I so clammy?
After we leave, I should definitely go to urgent care.
The twins were having fun, paramedics would ruin this experience.
Soon the twins were cranky and wiped out.
And I was still feeling all the symptoms. Plus my chest was kind of achy. What if I have a blockage somewhere. Isn’t heart disease the silent killer among women? Oh God, I’m dying, right?
I called my sister as we left the park, she suggested I go directly to the ER and not wait to get into urgent care. She met me there so Marco could take the cranky twins home.
I’m happy to report that the very cute, super nice doctor assured me that I was not dying. He did an EKG to make sure. But he said the symptoms I’m having are typical to panic attacks and anxiety. Also the muscle strain in my back/shoulder area. Am I under stress by any chance?
HA and also, HA HA!
Blood pressure was a little high, but that was likely due to my imagined imminent death.
A little valium and a huge nap, and I’m feeling a little better.
Time to go back to the psych and counseling center.
Anxiety is stupid. But it’s not imaginary and I have to do something about it.
My poor Isa gets it from me.
The good thing is, no one is dying.
It’s been a rough summer. I was doing great with this whole blogging all the time thing and then stuff happened.
We took a family trip up north to see my inlaws, my aunt, Monterey Bay, and San Francisco.
Then I took a trip up north again to see my friends that normally live online and in my phone.
-credit Just One Miss
And somewhere along the way the not so good stuff happened. The kidney stones that gave me grief last winter decided to wreck havoc again.
I’ve spent the last month and a half straining my pee and taking pain killers. Getting a CT scan. And I’m still not well. I’m able to be writing this with the help of the meds. And unless things change, like the stones passing, I’ll be having some kind of surgical procedure to evict these suckers. Either way, it all sucks.
I did manage to have some good times this summer and be a mom to my kids and a wife to my husband.
I managed to show up for work most of the time and be somewhat productive. Hopefully I’ll be feeling better soon.
Oh, and this also happened -
-credit Sara Ramirez
I’ll be back soon!
So, remember when I mentioned a that I might probably have an abscess in the way back corner of my mouth? *gasp*
I finally went to the dentist today. And I was so nervous and scared.
A new dentist that I had never been to before.
Let’s go back in Lex time and talk about dentists.
I’ve had a dentist phobia since I was a kid and the dentist left me sitting there forever in kid perception with that sucker thing hanging in my mouth for ages while he went to talk on the phone. By the time he came back my heart was pounding and I was in a cold sweat. I hated him after that. For a little kid, hate is a tough emotion.
As an adult, finding a dentist was kind of like dating for me. I had to find The One or it just wasn’t happening. So, to find The One, I could never just go to a dentist by picking one out of a dental plan book. If I could, I’d still be going to the dentist I had in high school. But he retired and sold his practice.
His replacement dentist was a little too good looking and oozed sex appeal. Do you know how hard that is when you are high on nitrus oxide and you have Dr. Ricardo straight out of a Mexican novela close to your face? And who, after pulling your wisdom teeth, called you personally to see if you were ok? High on vicodin answering the phone, I was all He Called! Like a damn school girl. We ended up breaking up because I couldn’t stand his office staff. Some of the orignal staff had quit and the new ones were annoying. And I overheard them bitching about how he was super high maintenance and kind of douchey. Buzzkill.
Around that time, a man I supervised at work had a son who was a dentist. So I decided to try him. Though he was just as charismatic as Dr. Ricardo, he was not as sexy. So, perfect, right? But, after a year, he left the practice and moved too far away for me to follow. I was left with his replacement, Dr. Defazio. Seriously, like Laverne. He was ok. A little rough though and I wasn’t liking that. But I left there in good shape with all those yucky metal fillings gone and white pretty ones in their place.
I moved north and it was just too far to visit Dr. Defazio anymore, so I found Dr. Dude. He was COOL. His office was state of the art fancy. And now that I think about it, he probably overcharged. But how exactly do you price compare? He was originally part of the dental insurance group but then he changed and I ended up paying PPO prices to continue going to him.
After my divorce and I became beach bound, I was without a dentist. I wasn’t about to drive an hour to see Dr. Cool. And I just never got around to finding a new one. Like dating, there comes a time where you just don’t want to look anymore. It was just one of those things that fell to the back burner. I’d think, Oh, I should probably find a dentist. I’ll look around next week. And just never did.
My girls were with a local pediatric dentist for a while. But we are so done with them!
I’m happy to tell you that I found a new dentist! And I LOVE HER!
Marco went to her first when he had an emergent tooth issue a couple months ago.
And today, I finally met her. She’s nice. Gentle. Doesn’t hurt. She’s got the state of the art equipment but the office has a homey feel to it. She kind of reminds me of Barrack Obama. She’s got a great smile and a friendly nature. And when she was done with me, I felt like hugging her. I didn’t though, because maybe that’s too awkward for a first dentist date.
Great news is, all I needed was some deep cleaning. No cavities!!! And she will see the girls because she’s a family dentist. And I’m confident they will have a much better experience there than the Torture Land that they call the last dentist.
Don’t ignore your teeth and gums, my friends.