Lifestyle Change

I had my follow up appointments with my doctors today. Yes, plural.. doctors.

First I saw my primary care physician. I really love her by the way. We discussed a few things that I have going on. The kidney stones, for one, which haven’t been bothering me lately. My ER episode and the accompanying back/shoulder situation. Other stuff that are not immediately threatening, but should not be ignored. I’ll be going for follow up fasting bloodwork. And some physical therapy for my back and shoulder. And more follow up stuff.

When you have generalized anxiety disorder, like I do, you really ought to see a psychiatrist and probably a therapist too on a regular basis. And I decided almost 5 years ago that I was OKAY, and to just forget about all that stuff.

Well, finding myself in the ER with a panic attack has proven me wrong. I really liked the psychiatrist and I have a therapy appointment coming up soon. And I promised the intake manager that if I didn’t like the therapist that I would request a change rather than just quit like I did last time.

I expect to feel a lot of relief in a month or so after the happy pills kick in. The other thing the psychiatrist helped me understand that there is nothing WRONG with needing medication for anxiety. And it’s far better to take a little pill each day than to wind up in the ER thinking you’re going to die or finding yourself hospitalized for it. (although a very small part of me thinks a few days in the hospital away from stress sounds kind of inviting)

The worst part of my day was on the way from my primary doc appointment to my psychiatry appointment, when I had to stop for gas. As I pulled up to the pump, I made a call to work because there was a lot going on and I wasn’t physically there to take care of it myself. Well, I got distracted and I left my key on the seat when I got out to pump the gas. AND THE CAR LOCKED ITSELF!

I nicely begged the gas station guy to use the phone and called Marco who called for roadside assistance. TWO HOURS LATER, the guy finally showed up and said “sorry for the wait.” Time for us to change car insurance because that’s twice Progressive has left us hanging. And on a day when I’m supposed to be getting anxiety relief, and instead, I’m sitting next to my car seeing my phone on the seat mocking me. Not exactly relaxing my anxiety.

Thankfully, I was able to call and apologize for missing my first appointment and was able to get one an hour later.

So, now I have some meds and a plan. A plan to make myself better.

Because I need to be around for the long haul. I need to watch my babies grow up. And grow old with Marco next to me.

So, it’s time to put the oxygen mask on myself. And stop ignoring those little things.

And get healthy.

And do what has to be a ….




my serenity place

my serenity place

This Post Has 5 Comments

  1. Tania says:

    Thank you for sharing this with us. You CAN do it!

  2. Miss says:

    I’ve got your back. And front. And pretty much all sides in an all incompassing hug/love sesh. Because I need you to grow old with me too. Xo

  3. Ewokmama says:

    I’m so glad you are taking care of yourself. Mental health is so very important – it can impact everything. Don’t forget – by doing all of this, you are showing your girls how to take care of themselves, too!

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